Vulnerability in our own lives

I was vulnerable last week. I was scared. I was afraid. I was taking a risk. I was uncertain. I was emotionally exposed. I was vulnerable.

This moment of vulnerability came just hours before hearing  Brown’s presentation entitled, “The Courage to Be Vulnerable in Life, Love and Parenting.” She shared towards the beginning, “I don’t do feelings. I go straight to pissed off.” I don’t do feelings either; therefore, making these deep moments of vulnerability even more difficult. I struggle with being an extrovert in a place that has taken a long time to feel like home. I need to understand that to be alive is to be vulnerable. To be in relationship with others is to be vulnerable. To be human is to be vulnerable. And these are things I want to be -- alive, in relationship with others, and human.

Interestingly enough, the first thing we look for in other people is authenticity, but it is the last thing we are willing to expose. This may not necessarily be how I want to live, but I live in the fear that, “if you know me you can hurt me. If you see me, you may see something you won’t like.” I live in this fictional reality that people may not want to hear my story, but it could be the reality that Brené articulated -- "We share our stories with people who can bear the weight of our stories. We do not want to waste time."

The opposite side of this all is to be human is to be in community with others. Since we are hardwired for connection, when community and connection is absent, we suffer.

The difficulity is knowing when we have found individuals that have earned the right to hear our stories. We must remember that in the smallest of small moments of connection trust is established and developed. These moments can be as simple as a text that says, “What can I do to make things better” or someone remembering an intimate, yet simple, part of your story.

I am not saying that Brené made me want to be more vulnerability, but she did force me to wonder what would it mean if faith communities became places of vulnerability  I'll expose my thoughts on that in the upcoming days.

I am extremely grateful for Brené's research and how she presents the truth on vulnerability. I am not weak because I am vulnerable nor does my vulnerability make me unworthy. I need to be in community with others; therefore, it is only nature that these moments of vulnerability must be part of my life. As much as I want to hide from this all, I am going to continue to be scared, afraid, risky, uncertain, and emotional exposed, because I will continue to be vulnerable.