Pause but don't stop

I had the experience to hear Brené Brown speak through the Faith and Life Lecture Series last night. I had placed this date in my Erin Condren Life Planner months ago. Each week when we went through the calendar during staff meeting, I would pause and get a little more excited that this date was getting even closer. 

Of, course, Brené's lecture was truthful, sincere and hilarious. I'll get to that another day.

But more importantly --

Immediately following her presentation I ran out the door. My best friend had called during the lecture and I had the weight of lengthy assignment on my shoulders. I did think for a couple moments that I wish I would have stayed to have my ten second moment with Brené as she signed a copy of her new book, Daring Greatly, but I knew I had to go.

While on the phone with my best friend, I began rationalizing not staying back. Some of the reasons being:

• I already have a signed copy of Clinton Kelly's, Freakin' Fabulous.
• I need to go work on my assignment.
• I am not brave enough.
• I don't have cash to purchase a book, even tough I realized I could have her sign something else like the program for the night, my iPad, Religious Education Encounters Liberation Theology, or my arm.
• I made a commitment to purchase all books that were not for school digitally.

My best friend helped me to discern the future and together we decided I needed to go back. It is helpful to know that we are both peer processors and rationalizers.

I climbed up the stairs and slowly made my way to the book table to see that I could purchase a copy with a credit card. It was a small victory. I then began digging through my over sized Timbuk2 bag for my wallet. I began to panic, it was not there. But after removing my laptop, iPad, seven books, my life planner and a handful of chargers, I discovered my wallet. I approached the table and payed for my books. I then found my place in line; the very end of very long line.

And now I started to panic. What in the world will I say to Brené Brown. Maybe I don't say anything. I bet I could mutter out 'Hi.' Would it be ridiculous for me to share that I want to be her? Awkward for me to divulge the parallels of our two lives? Could I be honest and say that it may not be your work on vulnerability that has spoken to me as much as your vocation?

My coward soul decided on these words, 'thank you for your presentation.' 

It was now my turn to approach the small table that on the one side stood me and the other side sat Brené. And like I had time to rehearse for the past hour, I took a deep breathe and said 'thank you.' I can only assume that these words came out with a level  of excitement that I only reserve for special occasions and places like Christmas morning and entering the main gates for the Magic Kingdom at Walt Disney World.

I assumed that would be all, but Brené stared at me for what seemed like hours. I took this as she had crated the space for me let it all out. It was probably more of her wanting to know who this book was to be addressed  to.

But I ignored that piece and let it all out. I think I made an attempt to articulate that I am grateful for what she is doing in the field. I shared that when people ask me what I want to do when I grow up, I say that I want to study embrace. I want to sit and listen to the stories of people's lives. She thenvsaid something along the lines of how is that working. I took a deep breath, followed by an eye roll.

She then said these words.

"Listen. There's something about you. I'm thinking good things about you. You pause for the skeptics, but don't stop."

Now that I have Brené Brown's approval to study embrace, I'm off.