My Sins Are All I Have

“Sister, I won’t ask for forgiveness; my sins are all I have.”^[1]

And she said to him, “I want the last face you see in this world to be the face of love, so you look at me when they do this thing. I’ll be the face of love for you.”^[2] And there she sat, like promised, being the face of love for Matthew Poncelet. Sister Helen Prejean watched the injection reach Poncelet’s lungs, then his heart, until the only emotion left on Poncelet’s face was death.

Dead Man Walking takes us through the last days, hours and minutes of the life of Matthew Poncelet. Poncelet, convicted of murder, found himself on death row, yet even till the day of execution, he wished to perform a lie detector test “so [his] momma knows [he] didn’t do this.”

During the film, Poncelet is accompanied by Sister Helen Prejean. Their relationship began through letters, but Prejean then agreed to visit Poncelet on death row. It was through this relationship that Prejean discovers the inequality of the judicial system occurring in Louisiana during the 1990’s. She is then willing and determined to find Poncelet fair representation in hopes that he obtains reprieve.

As Poncelet is being referred to “white trash” and God’s mistake” from the victim’s parents, Prejean is able to see Poncelet as something more, human. She has the follow interaction with one of the victim’s fathers:

Clyde Percy: How can you stand next to him?

Sister Helen Prejean: Mr. Percy, I’m just trying to following the example of Jesus, who said that a person is not as bad as his worst dead.

Clyde Percy: This is not a person. This is an animal.

Prejean sees Poncelet as who he is: human. In the same way, as the film goes on, Poncelet begins to see Prejean as human. He begins to intertwine human emotion into the relationship with the nun he once only knew through letters.

As Poncelet and Prejean begin to create identity in one another, they begin to establish and accept that one another is human. It is because of the very nature that one is human that they are not perfect. It is also the very nature that one is human that interaction with God can, and will, occur.^[3]

Although the tone in Poncelet voice makes us wonder the sarcastic nature of his comment, he speaks out saying,  “I never had so many people caring about me this much.” It is easy to question, like the victim’s parents, why must one give this care to an individual that has been accused for murder and rape. Is death the solution to the crime? The question can also be asked to the solution given by Chaplain Farley, ‘save him by having him receive the sacraments of the church.’ As the other becomes present in Poncelet’s life, this question continues to be asked.

Mirslav Volf’s, Free of Charge allows one to begin to define the rule of God, the individual and the other in the midst of Dead Meaning Walking. Volf makes clear that society often identifies with false realities of God. This may be as God the negotiator or God: the Santa Clause. Both of these identities limit the relationship of God as the “infinitely generous source of all good” and the fact that humanity is created in God’s image.^[4]  Poncelet, himself, interacts with God the Santa Clause. In his  last days of his life, he turns to scripture saying, “It's quiet. Only three days left. Plenty of time to read my Bible and look for a loophole.” If the concern is only to find a loophole, God has been limited.

To think of both of Prejean and Poncelet as both being created in God’s image allows one to understand that being human means being God “in true righteousness and holiness.”^[5] Yet understanding one’s self still needs to be defined and understand. Volk engages the reader to think in-terms of old self and new self. It is the new self that one is with Christ. Through this encounter one must take off the old and clothe themselves with the new.^[6] Dead Man Walking symbolically shows this as Prejean marries the church and takes her vow of poverty, chastity and obedience.

It is also through this new self that one gives. “We don’t give mainly because God or God’s messengers command us to. If we did, we should be giving under compulsion, and therefore, reluctantly. Instead, one give because they are givers because Christ living in us is a giver.^[7] One’s very nature to be a giver also coincides with humanity being sinful. Therefore, it is necessary for God the creator to also be God the redeemer. As the giver, God continues to give. God’s giving is not limed. For if we understand that God would stop given, there would be no need for humanity to exist.^[8]

God is not an aimless giver. God “aims to create human givers and, after they have fallen into sin, to redeem them and finally, to glorify them in perfect community with God and one another.”^[9] The understanding of God given in order to create human givers is seen through Prejean. Volf proclaims that our current culture in not a forgiving culture. If there is no need for forgiveness, there is no need for the giver.^[10] The shift comes with beginning to understand what is unique of Prejean’s situation that gives her both the ability to give and forgive.

The role of being in community with God and one another is present in the live of Prejean. Poncelet and Prejean’s life situations are unique to one another. Poncelet sits on death row, while living in solitary confident. His community is prisoner guards that see their actions as “part of the job.” As Prejean visits the home of his mother and Poncelet spends some last moments with his family, we see family dynamics of a single mother with four children. As montages of Prejean’s past are intertwined throughout the movie, she is surrounded by others from an early age. Family and friends are present when she made her vows. There is also the assumption that the sisterhood will provide community for Prejean.  And as she returns from prison, Prejean is accompanied each evening by a close friend. Young neighboring children surrounded Prejean. When she returns from Poncelet’s injection and funeral, the power of community surrounds Prejean with art work from the children.

The very nature of what it means to be in community creates the very space for one to experience both God as the giver and God the redeemer. Part of responding to God’s forgiveness is by passing that forgiveness on to others. One’s failure to forgive undoes God’s forgiveness.^[11]It begs the question can one forgive in solitude and without appropriate community. In the title track to the movie, Bruce Springsteen’s sings, “Sister I won't ask for forgiveness/ My sins are all I have/” It is the acceptance of the reality that community is not existent. If the crime and current situation is the community, one cannot experience the giving nature of God and also the redemptive power of God. It is not until Poncelet begins to experience community that he can begin to forgive.

The transformative of the experience of community comes alive as Poncelet looks to Prejean and says, “Thank you for loving me.” The love that is alive in community, yet an emotion that has been distant and nonexistent in his life, is present. As Poncelet lays on the table, being prepped for death, he turns to those present and asks for forgiveness. This is the truth that Prejean and the victim’s families have been waiting for. Volf puts word’s to this scene. He writes,  “The scandalousness of God’s indiscriminate forgives hits us even harder when we are called on to imitate it.”^[12] Here the communion of God comes alive in scandal. The scandal is the death of Poncelet. Yet for the first time Poncelet has imitated that forgiveness that has been given to him by God and Prejean.

Poncelet now has more than his sins. He has community.  The very nature of community allows Poncelet to be the giver and the forgiver that God has proclaimed him to be.

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^[1] Springsteen, Bruce. "Dead Man Walkin'" Rec. 9 Jan. 1996. Music From And Inspired By The Motion Picture Dead Man Walking. Columbia. CD.

^[2] Dead Man Walking. Dir. Tim Robbins. By Tim Robbins and Helen Prejean. Perf. Susan Sarandon, Sean Penn, and Robert Prosky. MGM, 1995.

^[3] Volf, Miroslav. Free of charge: giving and forgiving in a culture stripped of grace. Grand Rapids, Mich.: Zondervan, 2005, 25.

^[4] Ibid., 27.

^[5] Ibid., 24.

^[6] Ibid., 59.

^[7] Ibid., 66.

^[8] Ibid., 35-6.

^[9] Ibid., 70.

^[10] Ibid., 211.

^[11] Ibid., 125.

^[12] Ibid., 178.