Academic Pep-Talk

I've been sitting at the coffee shop for over four hours. I am learning to embrace the freedom of not working and taking classes on Friday, but that does not mean I have given myself the freedom and space to sleep past seven or sew all day long. I feel obligated to read, and then read some more.

And don't get me wrong, I love learning. I want to be student, yet for one of the first times in a long time I want to give-up. I wouldn't mind sleeping in past seven just one day a week. And I would not object to dedicating one day a week to sewing all day long. I know that I will see these days again. I'm very confident that I will, but days like today, those dreams seem so far away.

Like I said, I've been sitting in the coffee shop for over four hours, but I am having a difficult time determining what I have actually accomplished. There is a stack of books to my left and an empty coffee cup to my right. It is quite possible that my greatest accomplishment today has been making the right decision as the barista asked me what I would be having today.

I know I'm going to sit here and re-read page seven of By the Renewing of Your Mind for many more times than I am willing to admit. I have lost confidence that the words my eyes see are anything more than words. The processing, understanding and translating is a lost art today.

The notes in the margin, the highlighted words and the scribbles on post-notes will seem very foreign, especially come seminar on Monday morning.

Maybe it was the glummy Morning, or the overwhelming feeling that there is still so much to accomplish in all arenas' of my life, I'm not sure. But today, I fear the worst.